Two people

Today was nothing short of one of my worst days ever, and no, I am not exaggerating one little bit. I have to do things all the time that I may not "want" to do, but I know that doing them won't hurt anybody. As for my list of today's "to-dos," two people got hurt. Two people who I care about deeply I had to crush. Two people who did nothing wrong. Two people who have families. Two people who didn't see "it" coming. Yep, I ruined two peoples days. I had to do this because it's my job. My job to try my best thru streaming tears tell two people they did nothing wrong but they could no longer work at my store. I had to do this because it's my job. It's my job to try to thank them for their time and work after vomiting in the bathroom in the middle of letting them go. Two people now no longer have jobs, I let them go. It's my job to do these things. Right now I really despise my "job."

"Protecting the core" is killing me inside... killing my core. Right now I don't care that I have a job, because right now my job makes me hurt people I care about, cry, and hate my actions. Right now, at this very moment, I wish two people had their jobs. I hope this feeling passes, and I am aware that it will. What I fear is how long it will take to do so.

Their is a reason God designed men to be leaders, and I know that is true after today. I'm not going to claim EVERY girl couldn't do what I did today, because I know many who it wouldn't phase.... I am not one of them, I am completely phased. I am good at my job, I am a good leader, and I am a good person a majority of the time, but today, I felt none of those things. Today I really sucked at my job, was in no way a good leader, and I feel like a terrible person.

All of this because of two people.

How I'm Feeling

Today was one of those days when you feel somehow liberated, in control, and all around good! Ya know what I mean? It all started a bit rocky, but ended really well! I had been putting off paying bills, knowing that without a transfer from savings I would not be able to pay my January bills. I HATE to use my savings! See, I spent MANY years without any sort of emergency funds other than my Momma and Dad, who so kindly obliged to be my "go to" emergency fund. I haven't called then in a very long while, gladly. This past 5-6 weeks at work has successfully diminished my checking account, hense my delaying the inevitable by putting my bills off til the last minute. (Literally and figuratively, some were past due!) Today I made myself a promise, or "deal" of sorts. If I was going to be forced to transfer savings to pay monthly expences, then it must be time to cut monthly expenses. I cannot personally control the economy of America, BUT I CAN control MY 'economy!" That's just what I did!

I no longer have texting capabilities on my BlackBerry, a $30.00 savings. Afterall, it is a phone.... meant to be talked on.

I negotiated a better deal for my "group savings" on my car and home-owners policies. Basically I bullied the poor guy on the phone with a threat of switching companies and cancelling! I now pay $17.00 less a month on my insurance policies.

So far I have saved $47.00 per month! Woot, woot! I am now researching changing cable and internet providers, but that is proving to be challenging. I SERIOUSLY considered just cancelling my cable with the thought that most all shows can be seen online.... All that went out the window when I realized that Jon and Kate Plus 8 only has some episode online. If that weren't the case I would probably have already cancelled my cable. I only watch like two channels, seriously, $50.00 a month for two channels???!!!! Man, I really love my TLC and HGTV a lot though! Biggest hurdle with internet service- Many of the other providers here require you to have a landline, blah....

I am feeling good about these little changes! I won't say it wasn't a bit bittersweet when a friend of mine called tonight only to say "Why haven't you responded to my text?" Welp dear, that's because ole Lynnie is no longer a texter! Old habits die hard!

As for my love of TLC and Jon and Kate...
This song is on the commercilas for several TLC shows, including J&K. I love the song, really catchy, and the lyrics are great! Take a listen for yourself, really listen, I promise ya it's pretty inspiring if ya really think about it. Especially with as crappy as things "seem" to be out there these days.

Time For a Change, or Two..... Ten

Have you ever just checked yourself in the mirror and felt, "Wow, I need some caffiene in my look"? That was me today. I looked at my hair, mousey brown as ever. I looked at my nails, shades of red, as always, today, no different, red. My casual clothes, ones from high school.... SERIOUSLY, I graduated 12 years ago this May! The shirt I wore today I also have a pic in my SOPHOMORE Yearbook of me wearing it????? To clarify, that was 1994-1995! Holy crap! I wore a Gap hoodie from 15 years ago, who does that?!
I need spiced, caffiene, jazz, rockstar mentality. Maybe, (probably!) it's a "gonna be 30 real soon" meltdown, but whatever it is I am facing it head-on!
As I type this blog I am listening to Snoop Dogg circa 1997, so yep, I'm TRYING MY DAMNDEST to be young again!
I can't bring myself to buy casual clothes, I spend 50-55 hours a week in dress clothes, my casual days are very few and far between. For that reason I have an awful time spending money on clothes I don't need. I'M GONNA GO BUY SOME CLOTHES THAT ARE CUTE AND CASUAL!!! I will not pack for my vaca next month thinking "well, if I wash these half way thru the week I'll have enough casual clothes to last a week" Oh no, I won't!
I bought haircolor, black nail polish, and am determined to feel spunky again. My nails look rockstar awesome, black with a subtle glittery topcoat. Love it!!! As for the mop, it's getting colored Clairol Nice'n Easy number 119a, Light Spice. I may even go get a cut tomorrow.
29 and holding, I am Lynn! Seacrest out!

Today was much like any other day off, slept a bit later than usual, had a nap, didn't shower until WELL after 12pm, all of this without any guilt! I had started last night helping a friend "redo" her living space. Hanging pics, accessory placement, etc... As most of us know, running a close second to my love for children is my love for decorating! I had such a great time! We finished up this evening, and I must say it looks absolutely like a different place then it did at 5 last night. All in all, I was very pleased with my work, and that isn't always the case. I also picked myself up a little something to finish off my master bath while we were buying things for her house at Hobby Lobby. I so could walk around Hobby Lobby for days at a time, it's like heaven for me!
As for tomorrows plans, not much on the docket. Prolly just housework and such, BORING!
Hope every ones week is going well, smooches!
We listened to Dave tonight while working on Kaleigh's house, so here's some for you too, enjoy!

So cute

Okay go ahead and agree with me, my new layout is so super cute! Thanks for the direction to this G!
Today was much like any other, not a lot to report. Missed church and Bible group... had a case of the lazies, couldn't wake up. Sorry excuse, but it's the dang truth. I had better be good this week being that I am now one step closer to the naughty list than I was last night. One saving grace, I DID read the chapters we were going to go over in church today, that counts for something, right?
As for tonight, I am cleaning, doing laundry, and plan to clean out my closet (literally, not figuratively!). Clothes are crammed in, shoes are everywhere, and purses, oh the purses, yep, it's been a while since I cleaned out the closet! Let's pray I make it out alive. Also, since it is Sunday, tonite is Desperate Housewives night, YAY!
I hope everyone has an outstanding week, ttyl! Smooches n Hugs!
As for today's song, here ya go...
Beautiful, thoughtful, and yes, Rob Thomas..... WOW, I'll leave it at that!

Update

So, it has been a while! Lot's going on here in my lil place in the world. First for the bad news, Colts lost (should say refs sucked and lost Colts the game...) tonite, blah! Oh well, Peyton DIDN'T deserve MVP, so maybe this is Karma coming to kick us in the tail, who knows?! Second piece of not fantastic news, apparently between myself and my Dr we can not track down an exact ovulation date for all three of the past three months, ughhh! Two months were right on, BUT the month in the middle was off by three days. So, what that means is, three MORE months of tracking to look for a positive date in my cycle ALL three times. Sounds so simple, but yeah, apparently my ovaries have a mind of their own, go flippin figure! I am still destined to be barren, even my reproductive organs won't cooperate! Please pray for a "three in a row" for me, or a call that they have a child, or a random child at my doorstep, or a baby flying thru the sky that lands in my yard........ I am MAYBE borderline desperate at this point, just maybe though! : )
I signed up for the "read thru the entire Bible in a year" deal at Church, and it started last week. So far I really like it. I always read the Bible at least once a year anyway, but I thought this would be a neat way to change it up since it would be in smaller segments and would be followed by discussion. We'll see how it all turns out. I am interested to find out if I "get" something new from it since I will be going about reading the books in a differnt manner.
Work has not been customer busy, but busy work busy... which I hate! End of year is always crazy, schedules are whacked, customers get really nutty, and staff gets worn out.... this year was no different. Enough about work....
I decided to quit biting my nails again, and I can say that I have "white" on all but one of my nails now! Yay me! Who knew I wouldn't start eating wooden pencils if I wasn't biting my nails? Strangely the urge has already passed, BUT now I am constantly painting them. I am so freakin OCD, gotta have something to obsess about!
I'm sleepy, and rambling, and need to get up early, so, good nite! Here's a video for ya......
The song, beautiful! Steven Tyler's voice, deadly! Joe Perry, SEXY as Hell! Guilty pleasure, yes!