Have you ever had one of those days where you really begin to question why you do what you do? I know we all have, and boy, that was so me today. Today I seriously considered (like sat in the parking lot and cried I was so dang near ready to do it) handing in my keys. Things at work have really sucked for a long while now just due to various reasons.... too many to go into here. Today I had a million and seventy seven phone calls, all valid. I had to go to the store twice, mind you it WAS my day off, again, the trips were valid. I can truly say I don't like spending an hour (total) driving back and forth from home to my store on my day off. I can also truly say, that because of the crappy day I was having at work (on my day OFF! Ughhh...) I had something brought to my attention that made me smile. Proof that their always is a sliver lining I suppose :)
I pretty well flew off the handle when I got a phone call that meant I had to go back to the store for round two. I raised my voice, stated my opinion, and cussed. All the while none of these actions were making me feel any better, all they did was make me wish a had 100mg of Zoloft in me instead of only a mere 50mg as prescribed. As I drove to the store I balled, like full on tears, snot running down your divet crying. I told myself I was done, I have had enough of never being off, always having to have my phone, and always being on edge, I was done! I would be lying to say I don't quite possibly still think that is the best option, but as of now..... I still have my keys.
I walked in the store, Collin greeted me with the best words I had heard all day. "Wow, I know you are mad cause you cussed, and you never cuss!" I smiled the cheesiest grin and just nodded. It was right then and there that I realized this......
I have worked with Collin for a little over 6 months, I have had a few too many within him on one occasion, I have had "out of store" situations with him more times than I can count, I have worked several days where it is only he and I there, and in all these times he hasn't heard me curse!
Some habits die hard, but for me this has been one of the hardest. I grew up in a home where I knew what I could and couldn't repeat, I also knew that my Momma could, and can put any sailor to shame! I had always not liked my mouth, but it was a part of my vocab and would slip out quite a bit. Now I am pleased to say I have gotten it to only when I am furious that those words creep back, and luckily for me I only get mad about twice a year! So yay me!
Next battle......
How do I deal with the fact that my job brings out the worst in me........... But I still have my keys for now!
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2 comments:
Dear, sweet Dynn Lailey... We ALL feel that way, and I know I've felt that way a ton lately, but I also remind myself that no one loves their job all the time. No matter where you work there will be negative aspects, but at least here, we have friends to help us through it, and the probability of better times to come. Love ya.
Thank you for being a voice of reason Angie, love you!
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